I am the soft stars that shine at night
by sweet like chocolate
Summary: It's been 19 years since graduation. Based on a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye. That's all I can say without spoiling it! It's definately a dreamer fic, but all CC couples are mentioned, and IJ. My first roswell fic so be kind and RR!


I Am The Soft Stars That Shine At Night By sweet like chocolate 

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own anything to do with Roswell, or the poem at the end.

**A/N:**  This is my first Roswell fic.  The poem is one my friend was going to read at her gran's funeral, and it inspired me to write this.  I hope you like it.

**Summary**:  It's been 19 years since graduation.  That's all I can say really.  Dreamer fic.

*~*~*~*~*

As she leant forward, her dark hair fell like a curtain across her face, temporarily blinding her.  Still unaided by sight, she leant forward and gently traced the letters on the hard grey stone.  She thought perhaps they pulsed slightly as she touched them, but that was delusion.  A single tear made it's way slowly down her cheek, and her eyes closed, as for a minute she was lost in a dream

*~*~*~*~*

_Her dress was white and simple.  It contrasted deeply with her dark hair.  As she smoothed the long skirt down, she realised that it reminded her oddly of her wedding dress, and the happiness she had felt then, so long ago.  Odd that she should be wearing a reminder of that on this of all days.  The dress seemed to radiate purity and simplicity, and this was a dark day._

_She looked once more at her surroundings.  She knew she should not stay here, this was merely a waiting stop, a pause in a lengthy journey, but found that she could not move on.  She was waiting, she realised.  Waiting.  She sat on a swing and as she sat she swung slowly back and forth, lost in her thoughts.  It appeared to be dusk, but if that was so, should she not be cold in a dress such as this.  But it was not cold, even though there was a breeze that stirred the leaves in the tree from which the swing was hung._

**_Crack_**

****

_The sharp noise told her someone was approaching, and her brain told her she should move.  Long years of hiding had taught her that under no circumstances should she be alone with a stranger.  Her heart, however told her that this was no stranger, but merely the person she had been waiting for.  So she sat and waited, sensing his presence, awaiting his arrival._

*~*~*~*~*

She knelt down slowly, and placed the white roses in the jar that lay on the soft earth, taking care to arrange them perfectly.  As she did so, more tears, falling quietly moistened the soil on which they fell.  She almost felt a hand touch her lightly on the shoulder, but it was nothing, it was always nothing.  They were gone.

*~*~*~*~*

_Her first thought was that he looked terrible.  His face bore lines she did not recognise, and his clothes were rumpled as if he had fallen asleep in them.  The worst things though, were his eyes.  They were still the same amber pools as she remembered, but there was sorrow in them, deep sorrow, overwhelming sorrow.  Her urge was to jump into his arms, but she could not until his words released her.  She spoke instead, almost remonstratingly, _

_"I've been waiting."_

_He stared at her, drinking her in, and when he spoke, there was a slight tremor to his words._

_"Liz?"_

_That was it, the key to her invisible prison, his voice caressing her name.  She leapt off the swing and flung herself into his arms, leaving it swinging haphazardly in her wake.  He held her close; as if she was something immeasurably precious that had been lost.  The grass was soft on her bare feet, as she clung to him, refusing to let go. _

_Over and over he whispered her name, and she was saying his as well, holding on to it like some invisible lifeline.  It was then she remembered, remembered with such clarity that she couldn't believe she had forgotten, and she realised he was the reason she was here.  His name **had** been the invisible lifeline that kept her here, because she knew with uttermost certainty that she could not move on to her destination until she had seen him.  _

_As she remembered what had happened, she remembered what she had to do, her reason for being here, and her eyes wet with tears and she kept saying his name, as if it was the magic spell to undo the past._

_"Max, Max."_

*~*~*~*~*

She felt his footsteps behind her, and she leant back and allowed herself to be wrapped in his arms.  He always made her feel safe and strong, even when he knew, just as she did, that she was on the verge of collapse.  He's my lifeline; she realised and felt a shudder run through her at her unconscious echo of the dream.  She leant her head back and breathed in his scent, relaxing slowly as the tears dried on her face.  She would survive.

*~*~*~*~*

_He looked at her, and the pain in his eyes was raw._

_"I can't do this Liz.  I can't leave you."_

_He spoke as though it was he that was leaving her, not the other way round._

_"You have to Max, for Miri remember."_

_He bent his head down and his lips met hers.  For a minute they were back on the balcony of her old house, sharing their first kiss, full of promise and hope.  He drew away slowly and brushed a stray hair off her forehead.  When he spoke, although his tone was light, she could hear his barely masked pain._

_"That's the problem with soulmates Liz, it's impossible for one to carry on when the other is…"_

_She waited for him to say it, the word they had been both been skirting around, while it controlled all of their actions._

_"…dead."_

*~*~*~*~*

"I've been dreaming."  Her voice was still now, she did not cry.

"About what?"  He tightened his arm around her slightly, shocked at how frail she always seemed.

"Them."  It was enough.  He knew.

"It doesn't feel like a dream though, it feels like a memory."

"Is it Isabel?"

"No, it's not her work, I feel like in some way they're trying to tell me they approve, but how can they do that?"  She looked up at him for a second, worried.  "Do you think I'm being stupid?"

"Never, princess."

She smiled at him, and they sat in silence, just taking comfort from each other.

*~*~*~*~*

_"I should have been there Liz.  We've been through so much, Liz, so many alien attacks.  You shouldn't have died like that, I should have been there, I should have saved you." _

_ She silenced him with her lips, unable to stand his pain any longer.  She rested her head against his chest and listened to his heart beat, so strong and steady.  She wondered what she would hear if she listened to her own.  Would there be a phantom beat, or would it simply be silent, a constant reminder of her state?_

_"It's not your fault."  She could see in his eyes that he had been told this by many people, but remained stubborn.  "It was meant to be this way Max.  You saved me once before, but it was not my time then, now it is.  Everything feels right.  Even if you had saved me, something else would have claimed me."_

_"How can this be right?  How can I be living and you be dead?  How can our separation be right?"_

_"It will never be right, but this is where I am meant to be."  She reached out and put a finger to his lips, stopping what he was about to say.  "No Max, your place is back there, with Miri.  With our daughter Max.  She needs you, now more than ever."_

_"Micheal and Maria could…"_

_"No, she needs you Max, just as Jason needs Micheal and Maria, and Alex needs Isabel and Jesse.  Children need their parents."_

_"She needs you too Liz."_

_For a moment her heart yearned for her little girl so far away, but she knew that there was nothing she could do.  _

_"I'll still be here Max, and that's why you'll be able to survive too.  I won't be dead so long as you and Miri are here loving me.  I promise you we will meet again."_

_It had grown dark and she knew her time was nearly up, and there was still one more thing to do.  She silenced whatever Max had been going to say with a quick kiss and pulled him into the center of the clearing.  She looked up into his eyes._

_"Dance with me Max."_

_They twirled slowly, completely in sync as always.  Max leant down and brushed her ear softly with his lips before whispering,_

_"I love you."_

_Tears shone in her eyes as she brought his lips down to hers.  She whispered against the kiss._

_"I love you too." _

_They spun for a moment, the essence of peace, before Max sunk to his knees, tears spilling from his eyes.  He was alone._

*~*~*~*~*

Miri Evans leaned into Jason Guerin's embrace.  Her face and hair meant she was a mirror image of her mother, but her eyes were pools of amber which she knew were her father's through and through.  

She remembered her childhood fondly, up until the age of eight she had everything.  Her parents loved each other with a passion that was incredible, and she had basked in the reflection of that love.  They had moved around on occasion, what with her being an alien princess and all, there were always some people looking for them.  She remembered sitting between them as they explained to her what she was.  They told her they couldn't give a toss about what she was on some other planet, she had always been a princess to them.  She knew they had loved her with the same intensity they had always had for each other.  

When she was eight, her world changed irrevocably.  Her mother was involved in a hit and run, she was killed instantly.  Her memories of that time were blurry.  Her father had been mad with grief.  She had stayed at her aunt's who had tried to explain to her what it was like to lose someone who was the centre of your world, even if you didn't know it.  She had told her of when she was in love, but she had been so stupid, she hadn't realised until it was nearly too late, and the boy she had loved had been killed.  She, with childlike innocence had asked,

"Did you love him more than Uncle Jesse?"  Her aunt had told her she loved Uncle Jesse more than any one in the world, but there had been something in her eyes that told Miri that maybe you didn't get over the death of someone you loved.  

She had been so worried her father would die too, of a broken heart, leaving her alone, her world shattered.  The day of the funeral she had come home to be with her father for the first time since the accident, and she had seen the sorrow was eating him up from inside.  They had fallen asleep in their clothes on the couch as soon as they got back.  She had seen her mother then for the last time.

*~*~*~*~*

_Liz looked at her husband and daughter asleep on the couch together, their clothes rumpled, and tear stains still apparent on their faces.  She wanted so much to lie down next to them and maybe, when she awoke, everything would be as it had been.  She knew this was a false hope though, and she sufficed with just smoothing her daughters hair back and planting a kiss on her forehead.  _

_"Mummy?"  Miri's voice was full of sleep and Liz's eyes watered.  There was so much she would not be there for, her first day at high school, her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her wedding._

_"Mummy, don't go."  She wanted so much to wrap her daughter in her arms and tell her everything would be okay._

_"Honey, I love you so much, never forget that.  Look after daddy for me."  _

_Miri was still half asleep, but she recognised the significance of the situation._

_"I love you too."  After that comment Miri fell back to sleep_

_When she woke her mother had gone. _

*~*~*~*~*

Jason and Alex had always teased her for imagining things, but that she knew had happened.  Just as she knew that sometimes she could see them, especially since her father had passed away a month ago.  Her mother would be wearing a white dress and her father a shirt and trousers.  She would see them in the rain, and in the water of a lake and in the fire.  

She knew they were still watching over her, still loving her.  

She wasn't sure Jason and Alex believed her about these sightings, but they had to about the one after the funeral.  How else could her mother's favourite poetry book have got on the table, it's pages open with her wedding ring marking them.  She knew she cried sometimes, but she had found Jason now.  She thought that was what finally released her father, that his daughter had someone else looking after her now.  

She knew they would be at her wedding, and at the birth of her children.  She knew they were together now, how they were always meant to be, and she knew they would never stop loving her, and she would never stop loving them.

She leant deeped into Jason's embrace, and smiled at her parents who stood behind their graves.  Liz held one of the roses in her hand.  Her father's eyes were alight with the complete happiness she remembered from her childhood.  They smiled back, and disappeared.

**Do not stand at my grave and weep.  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.  
When you awaken in the morning hush,  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there, I did not die.**

**By Mary Elizabeth Frye**

***~*~*~*~***

I hope you like it.  Please review and tell me what you think, I really want to know!

Thank you for reading

-Kat (sweet like chocolate)  __


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